I honestly can not remember the last time I looked into a mirror and looked at my eyes first. It’s as if my eyes are trained to hunt down my spots. Where are the new ones because I know there will be some? Have the old ones scared? Yes they have, they are now turning grey. Great.
I’ve tried inhaling water like it’s oxygen. I’ve gone dairy free, tried every drugstore product, plastered my face with creams, stingy potions and lotions, toothpaste, egg whites, everything.
I’ve been to the doctors three times and I’m currently on four tablets a day and still no improvement, in fact it has got worse. I was referred to a dermatologist and now I have to have blood tests and I will begin a course of roaccutane. Whilst I am happy to be going on stronger medication, it just confirms how bad my skin is. I’m scared it will mess with my hormones and my weight.
I can’t leave the house without make up, even though my skin probably looks just as bad plastered in foundation. I know when I talk to people they are looking at my skin, I can see their eyeballs trace over my face. I get an instant pang in my chest.
Whilst this may all sound very depressing, I think people with acne will relate. You see other peoples skin and it just looks so lovely, fresh and young.
I get frustrated at the content that tells you how to clear your skin in a week because years later I’m here with a face still covered in acne. Sometimes they don’t work for everyone, so don’t worry your not the only one.
I’m a little bit scared of the new medication to be honest but if there’s a chance I will work I will take it.
Eleanor Elizabeth xx
(p.s this was written late at night after a bad self confidence day, so its more to get it off my chest)